I finally watched the M. Butterfly movie. I’m not sure if I liked reading the script more or watching the film because I’m more of a visual learner. But I believe, that they both had a different unique impact on me. It seems we are now done with M. Butterfly, I enjoyed its beauty but now like most butterflies, it is time to be put to a rest. If you know me, I deeply love music, and I loved how this montage of the film was put together with the perfect mood of musical sounds. 

Once again, Marshall placed us in our Acting groups and the class performed some of the scenes. But before that, he juxtaposed the differences of a man and a woman’s way of life. Brian and Nancy were the two victims of the whole experiment. They both had to play opposite sexes and to try to keep it in mode without switching back to their original sex demeanors. Marshall interacted with the class and pointed out that woman take little space, walk small steps, and speak softly. While men tend to take a lot of space, take control of their surroundings when walking, and speak with a loud confident voice. We found out that it was difficult for Brian and Nancy to stay in character as our human instincts automatically adjusts back to original attitude depending on the sex. I found it interesting and had a great time watching the rest of my class perform the scenes in M. Butterfly.

I also finished Safe Space and felt that it was terrible what Vikram did. At first, he was on the right path to uniting Homosexuals, but throughout the story, he kept on canceling out other people due to the non Southern-Asian ethnicity. The story completely backfired and showed that there is a real problem with the social lives of homosexuals. 

On Tuesday, Mrs Patton separated the class in groups of two. I was paired up with Kevin Tran acting and analyzing Act Three, Scene Two. Overall I had fun acting out as Gallimard visualizing his character. Here was Mrs. Patton’s questions for us to answer throughout the scene:

1. A one sentence summary of the scene

2. How does your character feel in this scene? (3 adjectives and why?)

3. What actions might your character do? (Any clothes and props would make the scene better?)

4. Stereotypes in the scene

5. Connections to Madame Butterfly opera?

ACT III SCENE II 

1. Song show her true self to Gallimard

2. Gallimard: confused, regretful, ashamed

    Song: happy, joyful, relived

3. G-Actions: (Kevin and I felt like we misinterpreted this question) Kill himself, cry, get violent with Song

    Song-Actions: Wants to have sex with Gallimard

    Clothes/props: No clothes, a bed, scented candles

4. Stereotypes: “Come get your Little One”

5. During this scene, the music from the death scene of Madame Butterfly is played. Also it is related to the end where the Butterfly (either one) commits suicide. 

On Monday, Marshall gave us a quiz covering M. Butterfly. I did terrible, receiving only 2 out of the 5 questions correct. It grew feelings of disappointment, but my day grew more shinier when Marshall placed everyone in separate groups to act out the play.

I was grouped with Joey C., Khang, Joey T., Marvin, Ariel Joy, and  AnneLeslie. Joey C. played Gallimard, Khang was Song, Marvin and Joey T., were the critics, Anneleslie played the director, and Ariel Joy and I were in charge of the costume/make-up. Khang’s costume and make-up looked ridiculously funny. Ariel-Joy did an amazing job with his make-up, and I would like to thank Mrs. Patton for lending her kimono to our group. I was into this whole acting assignment so I told Joey C. and Khang to not lose their character when performing the scenes. I really wanted my group to have the best run-through, but thats just me.

In the end, my group did fairly well. Watching my classmates act out the scenes in M. Butterfly intensified my overall perception of the story. GREAT JOB GUYS!!!

I finallly finished reading M. Butterfly. It was an interesting script, but I believe it’ll spice the whole entire story when performed as a play. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I am now urged to discover how the film is made.

Overall, I enjoyed the story. It appeared to me as an elevator with its ups and downs, but a kind of elevator with more high floors than low ones. There were times while reading the book where I felt a little excited such as the part when Song was getting turned on by Gallimard. I was reading off the edge of my seat and in my mind congratulating Gallimard for sleeping with Song, but this was before I found out she was really a guy. Disgusting, but I liked how David Henry Hwang switched the whole story from the submissive Asian woman misfortune, to the pitiful Caucasian man tragedy. Incredibly interesting how he also related it to Madame Butterfly, and creating a new story from his version to Monsieur Butterfly. Hwang constructed a masterpiece and I’m ready to view the movie and watch this man-butterfly face his eminent death one mistake at a time.

Shieeeeetttttt. I just want to say that our class is fucking DOPE. Let me say that again with more emphasis, FUCKING DOPE!!! Marshall, props to you for assigning this project, because now I see a lot of my peeps in this class entirely different in a new way. Cause honestly, there are the people that always express their opinions and show their character, and theirs others where I’m like Wassup? What’s going on with you?Shit say something, it’s like you don’t even exist in the class. But ever since this week started, I admit to say that all yall prove me wrong. Every single person and I mean EVERY, Yeah I’m talking about you too, brought something unique to the table whether is was a demon story, film, or spoken word. This whole entire class spiritually took a piece from themselves and together, brought life into not only this course, but into the path toward their shining futures. A lot of yall are not aliens or dinosaurs anymore in my eyes, yall fucking exist! I just needed the right telescope to finally see it, and this creative project was the perfect channel to amaze me as if I was an astronomer who discovered a new shining far away star.

To all the demon stories, sorry I came in late and not had my own personal time to read them, but yall are the creative storytellers and drawers. Yong, I feel you, language is really important. You can’t live life without this beautiful gift, it makes me feel sorry for people who are mute. Kevin interesting plot, and no one can steal your imaginative ideas like that medallion. To my other brother Kevin, I don’t know why you picked a German accent to the character, but I did nazi it as a satirical insult. Ya Digg? Lynette “ate” aka my older sister, I could imagine how you felt first coming to the U.S. lost in the airport, where in America there a lot of filipinos with lost identities. Being lost when you first landed, showed some kind of interesting symbolism in your story. Joey, bro, I don’t need to say much about you mann. Yall already know. You’ve been running your shit ever since I first met you in spring quarter, always involved mann. We both just need to know sometimes we need to do our school business as well, even though a lot of the events we volunteer in, most of the time are important. MUch love spiritual brother. Shane, good shit mann, I can tell your demon story took a lot of effort to be put together. Always on top of your shit, and I’m just curious, why is this the second time you had input somewhat of a person hanging themselves to death?hahaha. Don’t be HANGING around in the wrong places bro. hahaha, naw I’m just playing with ya. Karissa, beautifully done with the animation and the presentation. I don’t know how it is in your country, but America is a melting pot filled with many different ethnicities and cultures, and sometimes a lot of these races may feel like we’re actually being burned or boiled in this melting pot due to many racial remarks/stereotypes and/or oppressing injustices they have endured in this country. But don’t mean to be pessimistic, hahaha, I just wanted to state the struggles of minorities(such a terrible word) in America. And by the way, Panda Express is the Americanized chinese food restaurant, it’s like how Taco Bell is to Mexicans. haha I know some other great legit chinese food restaurants around my area, where the fortune cookie is actually worth a fortune, and also where it is fortunate to be in a forreal Chinese restaurant, with real chinese people actually making and serving the food, fortunately. haha, I’m just going nuts with these words, but unfortunately, haha naw Im Playin. I’m done. Fatima, you’ve always been the same in a good way. Ya hear me, the same. hahaha. At this moment you probably giggling to yourself right now. I’m just messin wit you, well loved your story, even though you didn’t finish it. hahahaha. Well, I liked how you saw the Philippines ugly at first arrival, but now beautiful after the second time. Nice how you have beauty and ugliness put into one, kinda like how your demon story is. hahahaha. I’m just teasing you again girl. But, on the real, it showed how much you changed overtime to realize that something so dear to us can maybe be ugly at first, but really beautiful because it is the soil where our beginning roots have lead to our own existence. We may have came from a NOW dirty ugly looking tree with bad physical traits, but we are still clean and beautiful rich-looking apples. And no matter what, we can never forget that.

Bryan and Lareeze, props to you guys for doing a video about Asian Stereotypes. A lot of them can be fucked up sometimes, but I liked how there was humor added to the video, making these terrible negative views into a positive way at looking at it. It may get Asians self-conscious or mad, but you guys pointed them out, brought awareness to the class, and also made them laugh. Much Love. Wassup Julianna, I know your film is what I’m doing my analysis paper on, so I’m gonna wait till I then how I felt about it. But, to add a little something, you and Julie made the perfect video about how we should treat our parents properly. Good choice of music, and let me say for now, “Work it out” worked out great. Victor, everyone can tell that your video took an extra long time to make. I like how you incorporated real people expressing their deep truest feelings about themselves, it made the entire film even more powerful. Marvin, good shit on the spoken word bro, and Joey excellent job on the filming and editing. I love the many different camera shots and props used such as the question mark. Lowell, I’m thinking I spelled your name wrong bro, but if I did my bad. Loved the film, picture, music, and transitions. Good job mann, it’s always about family. While watching your film, it made me think about my family, and how we should be even closer with one another. I fuckin love our people mann.

Francis, you did well after all mann, you was trippin just a lil bit, but how can you possibly think that you may mess up on a spoken word when its about your mother? Come on bro, its Mama. hahaha. but, you did good job mann, way to give a shot out to the mothers. Ariel Joy, always doing her thang when she does a spoken word. It gave me a picture of an Asian women-like Shihan with a blackayellow rage. hahaha. Sumthin like that, hahaha, well good shit as always. Justin, representing the dj/scratchers up there. hahaha naw im playin mann. Was feelin it throughout, but I want to ask you a question about something. If you have read this, come talk to me bro. Mariel, R.I.P. to Archie. I can’t imagine how it is to lose a good friend at such a young age. I can tell you really learned a lot through this tragedy. It changed your life and made you an even stronger person, and I believe Archie is somewhere silent where there is no pain at all. If he was still here, he would be so proud of you for being strong and doin your thang. Especially when you were all comfortable working the floor all of a sudden. hahahaha. Good shit. It surprised me. Khang, motherfucka. Loved your piece mann. I’m glad that I know at least some knowledge about what you love to get high from physically and mentally. hahaha. Motherfucka, crazy ass backflip mann, you looked like robin from teen titans or sumthing, all hero-like. Overall, sick spoken word piece, and great talents bro. Keep on doing what you love doin, same thing goes to you Anh. Stick with the martial arts, if it makes you happy. it’s all good. If it may not make a a lot of money, it don’t matter at all. Sometimes, the richest person ain’t necessarily the person with dough. Zan the mann, you surprised me mann. Coming out all hard on the Eminem beat, gave me a flashback when I first saw 8 mile mann. hahahaha. You really showed another side of yourself yesterday mann. You should send me your lyrics so I can get a better understanding of what your message was on. Uyen, I loved your spoken word piece. I loved how you had the slideshow going along while you were presenting. Your piece was really powerful, and when you said you cried after reading “Catfish and Mandala,” that hit me really hard toward the heart. I love how you have so much pride for Vietnam, Uyen, you are really deep. hahaha. Once again loved it entirely, and way to represent the 49ers. hahaha. Thaison, good shit brother. A straight A student can be a killer in the streets, fuckin loved that. Cause I could relate to that sometimes, because I’m an educated nut, smart from the books but also smart from the streets. Ya Dig? Marlo says he’s hella proud of you for being in De Anza, Let’s keep them grades steady, instead of picking up a machete. Ya Feel Me? Albert, I guess you fuckin know wassup about Asian life. hahaha. I loved how you kept it real mann, real passionate throughout. Big ups to you bro. Patrick, your piece was fucking ill. You hella surprised me with your emotions and change of dynamics. “When I first touched your slender white body.” hahaha, that was ill mann, and your shirt was hella sick. Joey, with your Nas-like sounding voice. hahaha. Just messin wit ya mann, but I honestly feel ya!!! I love dreamin, and sometimes it may get so addicting, I may just want to sleep for whole entire day sometimes. haha. But most definitely, brought a different style of spoken word to the class, and I imagine like John Lennon sometimes, dreaming for a heaven-like world. David, honestly the title was a little fruity hahaha, literally. But it fucking doesn’t matter. I liked how you spoke about diversity in America; about how a lot of many different races and cultures here are oppressed. Like how you not only spoke on behalf of AAPI, but other races as well. Power to the People bro! Power to the People! Hamlin was handlin. All quiet in class then showed his true colors all of a sudden. “This Love, this color.” I love how you showed pride and represented filipinos to the fullest. Also surprised the class with your moves mann, sick,sick. Like I said before, I fuckin love our people.

I hope I’m not missing anyone, but if I am, I’m terribly sorry. Oh shit, cherry, we need to see your demon story. Oh yeah, Jeanelle, almost forgot. Beautiful pictures and I loved your story; incorporating, “Where the wild things are,” really creative with it. Also it made feel a little funny when I was reading your mother’s dialogue with the filipino  accent.hahaha. Good job with that girl.

Once again, I got nothing else more to say, but OUR CLASS IS FUCKING DOPE!!!! I INDEED SAY IT ONE MORE TIME, FUCKING DOPE!!! AND YEAH I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU AS WELL, FUCKING DOPE. YA DIG?!!!!!!!!!!!         

O.J. Custodio

10/27/09

EWRT 1A

Two wings flapping together as One

Fledgling birds that are unable to withdraw from their nest have difficult times flying and soaring toward the sky like human individuals flying low like blind birds. In America, the Bald Eagle is the national bird and symbol in which John F. Kennedy once said, “The fierce beauty and proud independence of this great bird aptly symbolizes the strength and freedom of America.” Bald Eagles elegantly represent the image and qualities of Americans, but what if a U.S. citizen has other foreign blood in them? What if he or she believes that they are not absolutely American? I’m a full blooded born Filipino and my nest is not located in the Philippines, but resides in America. I am two things into one like a cyborg who is counting in his head or calculating his hard-drive capacity the differences, if he is more human or machine. Preferably, I am a Philippine Eagle. Also known as the Monkey-eating Eagle, the Philippine Eagle is one of the rarest and two largest eagles in the world. In my blind-folded vision, I am not only symbolized as an American Bald Eagle, but truly combined into a Philippine Eagle; both sides equally balanced as a whole like the Ying Yang symbol and both powerful and significant in their own diverse way. In the memoir Catfish and Mandala, Andrew X. Pham places hyphenation in between two different words in every chapter combining the two as a whole. In numerous titles, the hyphenation between the two words are connected with each other, separated apart from each other, and/or often mixed together to form a whole new meaning in the following title chapters of Mecca-Memory, Dying Angels, and Chi-Minh.

The interesting title Mecca-Memory is a chapter when Andrew first arrives in Vietnam. He reunites with his relatives he has not seen in twenty years, reminisces, and narrates the main center of his past memories. With the word “Mecca” being stated in the chapter, it automatically opens a wide path of a more powerful significant meaning. Mecca is a city in Saudi Arabia where Muhammad was born in. It is the spiritual center of Islam where Muslims must visit at least once in their lifetime. African American civil rights activist Malcolm X took a pilgrimage to Mecca in his past history during his troublesome events with the Nation of Islam. Deeply involved in his religion, he traveled to Mecca to rediscover his Muslim roots and uncovered a miracle which ultimately altered his perception of equality among races. Malcolm X found people of different skin colors interacting with each other as if they were family, thus believing that Islam is a way to wiping out racism. In relation to Malcolm X’s pilgrimage, Andrew X. Pham takes on a journey as well. He leaves America and travels to Vietnam for a more compelling meaning within his roots. “Yes, perhaps. Distant relatives-neighbors. I don’t remember them very well. I’m really just visiting the fatherland. America is full of young-old Vietnamese, uncentered, uncertain of their identity. The older generation calls them mat goch-lost roots” [Q] (63). Coincidentally, Andrew’s middle name starting with the letter X resembles a Malcolm X standpoint. He is taking his own pilgrimage to discover his ambiguous identity and to re-collect his cast away roots. The other word “Memory” is less powerful but easily visible in accordance to the chapter. When Andrew explores Saigon, his past memories unfold like a book that has been read countless times. According to Andrew X. Pham’s journey, he appears disconnected, an adult scanning for the recollections of a child, and lightly anticipating seeing old thrown away Vietnamese army clothes; just like when he had found during the exact same night of his family’s escape [P] (68). Both words starting with the letter “M” beautifully presents a unique chapter title. Separately, these two words have their own significant explanation, but when hyphenated, it creates a whole new meaning. Mecca being the center of Andrew’s roots, which is Vietnam, and memory, displaying the time period of the recollection. Mecca-Memory is a metaphorical chapter title of showing the center of all of Andrew’s past memories.

Dying-Angels is a bizarre chapter title that is all around related, separated, and mixed together into a group like a trinity. This chapter focuses on the night when Andre X. Pham and his family made their daring escape to America. Dying-Angels is an unusual hyphenated word because how can angels die, when in order to become an angel, is to already not exist on earth in the first place. Although it is perceived in a strange way, these two words connected together construct a related meaning written in this chapter. In the midst of Andrew and his family’s rush toward the escape boat on the beach, young Andrew trips over a branch and is unexpectedly recued with the help from his older sister Chi. “A fallen branch tangled my feet and I pitched face first into the sand with a yelp. Disoriented, I fumbled for my bag, digging the sand out of my eye. Terrified of being left behind, I wanted to call out but I didn’t dare. I was flailing when a hand lifted me by the elbow. It was Chi. “I’ve got your bag,” she whispered. “Hold onto my hand.” I clung to it fiercely with one hand and knuckled sand out of my eyes with the other. We crossed the road and stumbled to the beach” [Q] (89). When Chi saved Andrew from danger, she is symbolized as an angel. Chi said “hold onto my hand,” which represents a symbol of a blessing and also a phrase a guardian angel would say looking out for the one he or she is protecting from evil outcomes. Attaching “dying” with angels, shows that each step she took and each event she endured brought her closer to her death. Chi was an angel, but sadly she was an angel that was dying day by day slowly like stage four cancers, bringing her closer to her tragic suicide. When reading the words “dying” and “angels” as two separate words, the meaning as one whole is distinguished in another way. “Dying” means to cease to exist also as to falling, subsiding, fading, drifting, expiring, etc. Angels are believed to be shining guardians who live in heaven up in the sky or above the stars. In the chapter, Chi speaks of an interesting saying to Andrew about falling stars which easily build a clearer meaning to these words as separated parts. “The wind shook loose a star and it flashed down the sky. Chi, lying beside me, said each star was an angel, and a falling star was a dying angel. She said angels died to balance the world’s good and evil. I counted three disappearing and, feeling very sick, I kept the omen to myself” [Q] (88). Creating separation between these words obviously display falling stars. “Dying” is to falling and Stars is to “Angels.” Combining these words together as a whole also forms another new distinct meaning within the chapter. Additionally, the hyphenated word Dying-Angels signals a moral that occurs daily in life. For instance, a negative from the beginning can surprisingly be a positive toward the end. According to Andrew’s narration in Dying-Angels, the net tangled to the ship’s material is a catastrophe which turns out to be luck for the group towards the end [P] (92). When the net was trapped to the propeller, it made their boat unable to move tricking the patrol boat in believing that they were fishermen. The “dying” boat was not moving forward which formed the whole malediction into an “angelic” situation toward the end. The moral of the chapter is interpreted as; you can never know the full outcome of a curse when you can see its potential side of a blessing.

In the chapter title Chi-Minh, the two names have a connection with each other but also are separated apart forming two significant differences. Chi is Andrew’s older sister and Minh is his older brother. Chi and Minh is both the same person. Chi has a sex change, which creates his sister turned brother into Minh. It is blatantly obvious that the names “Chi” and “Minh” are connected with each other because they are the same individual. Furthermore, if the names were separated without the hyphenation, there are two different people with both significant backgrounds Chi is the troubled girl who cannot fit in with her family with a horrible abusive past from her father. Minh is the man who cannot fit in with society with an unbearable brokenhearted future. With or without the hyphenation both are shown to have its own unique disparity.

Andrew X. Pham in his memoir Catfish and Mandala, was identified as an ethnicity from several different races such as Vietnamese, American, Japanese, Korean, and Viet kieu from throughout the beginning to the end. In the last chapter, he finally realizes and confirms his identity in relation to the characteristics of a chameleon; an individual who has no center adapting into various identities to the one environment that surrounds him. While inputting a hyphenated title in each Chapter throughout the memoir, I realized that Andrew X. Pham’s book title Catfish and Mandala is the only label not hyphenated except for the epilogue. In a chapter called Ill-Wind Andrew stated an appealing suggestion about catfish when he was devouring them with Uncle Tu. “If Vietnam ever got around to declaring a national fish, the catfish would be it. Vietnam’s rivers and lakes teem with this hardy creature. Peasants raise catfish in family ponds as they raise chicken in their yards” [Q] (264). There is a myriad amount of catfish inhabiting Southeast Asia. When Andrew stated this, the title of his memoir painted a clearer picture. Like the meaning of hyphenations incorporated in the story, when separating “cat” and “fish” there are two distinct animals, one is in the family of fish and the other in the mammal category. When these words are placed together, you get “catfish,” a fish with whiskers like the physical traits of a cat. Since Andrew believes that the catfish should be declared as Vietnam’s national fish due to the large population they inhabit in the river’s of Vietnam, I believe he is symbolizing himself as a catfish; two different beings into one like his identity as a Vietnamese American but also, without placing hyphenation. Thus, truly being one and the same forming into one new whole. My identity is similar to Andrew X. Pham’s as well. He is Vietnamese American and I am Filipino American. He symbolizes himself as catfish and I symbolize myself as a Philippine Eagle. No hyphenation needed, for I am definitely combined into one balanced being of matter. I, a Filipino American, merged together and symbolized, as not only an American bald eagle, but a Philippine Eagle. With an understanding of my identity, I see clearly where I stand even if others blind-fold me. I’m full Filipino, but a native on this land like the Ohlone. A rare eagle of its kind, full-fledged and able to see, flying and soaring high toward the sky like human individuals who finally remembered how to fly.     

Here’s my reply/ To the spoken word piece from Drew Vai./ I feel you bro, when your words poured from your heart./ Our Pacific Islander brothers END up in bad situations, and they need a new start./ Back in my high school days, most of my Samoan homies were gang affiliated/ Rising the violence, when our minds should be the one’s being elevated./ The will to Kill for their family, and will always love their family./ but the love will struggle, WILL you be able to earn a salary?/ If you don’t go to school you can be unstable mentally and financially./